Jack Lacey

Painter and Poet

Green Benches.

(House of Commons to add)

Green Benches.

(Captain Alford Jeffsan's lament;

with comments from Barge-Mate, Joss, gentle and bookish ;

as each day-tide the Motor Barge Shelduck passes the House of Commons .

(If curiosity is aroused See also "Derelict on the 'mill buoy.")


Jeffsan, assiduous readers may recall

Among Barge Skippers stands six feet tall!

To bombard Parliament he signally failed

Lightning Struck-- he was not court -hailed.

Now talk of Members and Green Benches!


"Shellduck," on tide passes full of Alford's hate

Revenue! Vat! (thinks not !- Joss the Mate,)

Blame habitués of Annie's or another Bar

"Trough- Paired" in Second Homes -afar!

When not in Place on the Green Benches.


"Nap" of Austerliz and Waterloo opined

The British Nation were all-shopkeeper- kind.

Alford swears our Rulers now are all crooks!

Greed permeates to every political- nook

Of those elected to sit on the Green benches.


"NOT ALL! of the Six- Forty Six-" cries Joss

The Reasonable," but expenses sure are gross!"

Of those who listen to debates with little zest.

Those whose minds are paid the very best,

To sit on Parliamentary Green Benches.


No qualifications required -a democratic oddity

For many are of something less than mediocrity

Party approval, charm and the gift of the gab

Slaves to the Whips, and the Party -line they blab

Are those --oft absent from the Green Benches.

Power, perks, to do good, their best ambition

"Be fair, cries Joss for those of erudition

In Hansard "and in many a papyrus tome

Rhetoric, worthy of the best of ancient Rome!"

Of those rightfully sat on Green Benches.

The Speaker-no gracious Arbiter- Betty he

Lenthall and Hastings Joss' sense doth see !

To judge by spouses' expenses- added rough !

Gaderenes ! No! for sure, not all are in the trough

Who sit uncomfortable on those Green Benches.

Joss does not vote- but holds a benign view

"They," are all the same-nothing we can do!

Instance, close relative of great literary sage

Who debates in pique and even mild rage !

Stood in the Front of those Green Benches'

We speak of continual Post Office closure,

Citizens Great Servant which ministers obscure!

"Subsidise the Peoples Post Office you jest?"

Where to spare from the Nation's Single Chest?

Says Deputy leader from Front Green Benches.



Alford and Joss on a source, are here agreed

Take from cost of presence in Irak-- oil- greed!

T'will make all less bloody and morally sore

If we take from the cost of illegal unwinable war

Say MPs debating to vacant Green Benches

The price of Diesel halts  Jeffsan’s bitter wail, 

He and  Joss have rigged a jib and foresail!

Road transport indeed -the future is in doubt ?

Wind and Water are free and do not  wear out

Both long to tell  those sat  on Green Benches.

 All this! how  could  Joss  and Jeffsan  know?

Freeview -- Daily, Green Benches  are on show

Mostly vacant except at “Panto”  PMQs

When, with planted questions both sides abuse

T’ others, from the then full--Green  Benches!

And even as this bitter quill runs out of ink,

They--  to even greater blind depths do sink,

Despite tax depredations on the poor

They have for themselves voted monies more!

Have those greedy folk on the Green Benches.

Mother of Parliaments-self regarding

Undue privilege intensely guarding

Archaic- unconsciously corrupt

All criticism answered in words abrupt

From  pompous folk on those Green Benches.

Jack Lacey.